Disclaimer: this blog posting is going to be semi-controversial.
But I am going to be open and explicit with my personal views of sex (within reason).
Now, I am very PRO-Sex and I would call myself a sex positive person.
However, I don’t believe in sleeping around or casual anything in life.
Just because I think most people that want to claim sex without connection,
are deluding themselves. There is always connection, you exchange energy, deal with it.
But, I love sex. With the right person.
I think one reason I could never do long distance is I couldn’t tolerate the physical distance.
It would literally drive me insane. I need you here, on top of me, inside of me.
I tend to operate in extremes in life.
Either sex all of the time, or none at all.
I don’t do well with moderation, in fact, I don’t like it.
I like extremes.
I have yet to be with someone who can match me sexually.
Meaning, someone that can fulfill all of my desires, who’s desires I can fulfill as well.
I desire deep levels of trust to be fully kinky with someone.
It may come as a surprise to some, but I am VERY into alt lifestyles & BDSM.
No, I am not public about this & will save the juicy details for someone special.
But frankly, I am very open minded.
The kinks I have all explored have been in serious long term relationships.
So that is the only time I feel it is safe to be very open with someone sexually.
But I am extremely open minded and exploratory with anything & everything,
when I am with someone.
I view sex as this endless dream from which you can have thousands of types.
Soft, loving, rough, hard, connected, disconnected, wet, dirty, clean.
Meaningful.
Meaningless.
I had a VERY brief dating period in my life, and it didn’t take long for me
to know that sex without connection was NOT for me; it was pointless & I ended up with stalkers.
I could never “just have casual” with a man or woman because they would get obsessed.
So I stopped doing this, mostly because no one excites me, and I don’t need more men pursuing me.
I chose only meaningful interactions.
Which are very rare for me.
I always want to be 1000% for one man.
I also want to be with someone very open minded, for the future,
so we can explore, and have fun together.
Finding someone I can trust in this world of dopamine deregulated addicts has been hard.
I like A LOT of many things sexually; but only with someone I know I can grow intimacy with,
because overtime it just gets better and better. I’m the kind of woman that has a VERY
high sex drive but I know how to channel my energy into other things; so I restrain myself.
I hold back out of politeness.
I hold back out of manners.
I hold back because I am a classic “lady in street, freak in the sheets”.
I can really only be hyper sexual for one man.
And the only woman I have been with was a complete 10; A gorgeous surgeon in NYC;
she was very hot, and she pursued me for months after we were together wanting a relationship.
I am glad she was willing to be friends at least because I wasn’t interested in anything more than sex.
I love women, but I have yet to find one I am very attracted to & could be in a relationship with.
I often feel the same way about men.
But I will say, I hate being celibate.
But I hate empty random encounters even more.
Learning how to navigate my sexual energy during periods of celibacy is interesting.
I was celibate for nearly 3 years before being with my last sexual partner.
I never want to go thru that again, but it has also become harder and harder
for me to ever even be interested in people anymore.
I desire many things in life, and a rich fulfilling sex life is one of them.
I want it all.
And a lot of it.
All the time.
